excerpt from W.I.R.

Ben Noble

Hawke, a 30 something year old innocent thug like character, is sitting with his criminal partner (Fox) talking about a dare they had decided on last week.

HAWKE: It wasn’t really my intention but it happened the way it did because… life has a very unusual way of working out you know? I watched this doco once on tv about fate and stuff and I think that’s what happened to me. There was this inspirational speaker on the tele and all they were doing was like promoting the way to live. “Follow your dreams” “Use your gut instinct” “The right path lights its way”. And I felt that man I really did feel that. I felt like the path was laid in front of me and I was just taking step after step in the right direction. That inspirational speaker was talking to me that very instant. No thought just action. What I thought was right. “the right path lights its way” but… then…

…these hands. You never ever think about, what they… I mean they’re just hands. Funny things hands. Strong but delicate sometimes slender somewhat foreign to the rest of the body. The look of them anyway.

She was walking past me on the way to the shops. My day hadn’t been going well. One of those horrible days. Sleep felt like a dream, terrible nightmares, and it was early and I hadn’t had any sleep. Like no sleep what so ever and I just went with it. I just went with the feeling. I think sometimes you just gotta go with it you know? There are moments in life when someone is telling you that that’s right. Give it a shot. See what happens and maybe sub consciously I always wanted to know what would happen but I kinda just put it aside you know and did what I did.

You won’t tell Marion will ya? She be pissed off you know. Especially now that she’s pregnant – she’s always pissed off.

That woman on her way to the shops didn’t know what to expect you know. She was just walking past me on that crowded street, people dancing through the spaces, sounds jumping round the walls and I just saw her and thought man what would happen. And so…well I punched her. Right in the stomach hard as I could. Clenched fist. Tight. Firm hand. And I got big hands you know. Big clumsy hands. She cowered over all teary eyed and stuff and I was just waiting for some little thing to pop out from her skirt. I always thought the baby might pop out you know if you punched the stomach. I thought it could be like one of those cartoons. Not that I have seen a cartoon like that but I just thought maybe it would shoot out like a star bouncing off the surfaces or even hang down on like a bungy cord from its’ what’s the name of it’s…um… umbilical cord that’s right… but it was somewhat disappointing. I prepared to be the first one to catch it, that little thing well like a boy or a girl or something would shoot out and I’d be the one to catch it. But nothing. Just this fuckwit’s foot jabbing into the side of my head. And I thought hang on a minute here you know. What’s going on. People were just rushing at me. Blokes mainly and time took forever, one of those hot days and for the first time I was scared of what I had done. I never knew that was possible. Me scared?

I got home to Marion all black and bruised and she just looked at me and thought I got ina fight or somethin’ so I didn’t tell her the truth. I thought about it. But I wouldn’t want to hurt her. And if she is hurt then the baby must feel something as well right? That’s what I think
I just never thought I’d be the children type. I can’t believe I’m going to be a father. Me a dad? I mean who would have funk’d it? It’s goin’ to be great!