Connie: No, but that’s a good thing, because Aunt Rita is like real fussy about anyone using her stove. But I swear I brought the book home, and it completely vanished! Isn’t that creepy. Its not even on the library computer anymore! It’s like it never existed!
Kristov: Where are you going with this story? Relax! Just tell us about the spell.
Connie: Well I mixed vinegar and beeswax, and a hard old bone and some other stuff like dust bunnies, but I can’t remember everything, or how much I used. Holy! I just remembered that I was supposed to also mix in some strips of old newspapers, but since Uncle Caleb recycles, I didn’t have any, so I substituted something else we had.
Kristov: Big deal, just come to the point!
Derek: Did the spell work? Is that how we became friends?
Connie: No, no, it didn’t have anything to do with us. But it sort of worked; you should have seen the big puff of smoke that went up when I mixed the stuff together! It was like totally wild, I couldn’t see a thing, and I was totally shocked when Tabix came out of the smoke.
Kristov: But why did you call it that dumb name anyway?
Derek: Never mind the name, what do you mean the spell sort of worked? Do you think you probably goofed somehow?
Connie: Come on guys, chill out, one question at a time… but you know what, I think I’ll whistle again. Maybe this time Tabix might come.
(Connie Whistles).
Kristov (sounds annoyed): Just as I thought, nothing’s happened, just like before. Give it a rest, enough is enough. There’s no monster here, so there’s no point pushing it.
Derek: Lighten up Kristov, you might be wrong. Anyway Connie, you never did tell us why you called it Tabix. Of all the names you could choose from…
Connie: Well, its like I didn’t have any old newspapers as I said before, so I used an old Wheatabix Cereal box instead. And it’s like when I first saw Tabix in the smoke, a piece of the cardboard was stuck in its hair.
Kristov: So…
Connie: Well it was the part of the cardboard that still had the word TABIX on it. Do you get it now?
Kristov: Totally.
Derek: Awesome if you ask me.
Connie: You wont believe this, but it totally reminded me of Big Foot except for its purple dreadlocks.
Kristov: The thing I still don’t get, is how come nobody else has seen him. It’s not like he’d be easy to hide or anything.
Connie: Hey, did I forget to mention that Tabix isn’t always huge.
Kristov: Right! So what else did you forget to mention?
Derek: So you mean he can just disappear or whatever?
Connie: I’m like positive that it can, because where would it be? Its like none of us are seeing it anywhere.
Derek: Would you consider taking it to school to show off? That would be so wicked!
Connie: I wouldn’t want to scare anyone, but then again… (pauses). Okay, bad idea, Tabix isn’t that good at explaining things, and it wouldn’t know how to calm people down.
Kristov: It speaks! How could you forget to mention that it speaks! What does it take to get you to mention something anyway?
Derek: Hey man, get off of her case will you. So she didn’t think of everything, well I just thought of something.
Connie: What?
Derek: Maybe we should all whistle together. It might be a more powerful, don’t you think?
Kristov: I should have thought of that.
Connie: But hey, you didn’t, it’s a great idea though, so let’s go for it. Ready guys?
Derek and Kristov: Ready.
(All three whistle together, and there is a strange rushing sound like a fierce wind.)
Derek: Yikes! What was that?
Connie: Trust me, that was Tabix……It’s like I hear that sound every time he appears.
Kristov: Maybe that was just a blast of wind.
Derek: Look Mr. No Brain, have you noticed that the window is closed? There’s no wind in here, and besides, it looks pretty calm outside.
Connie: Cool it you guys, don’t say I didn’t tell you soon enough, but if you look behind you, its like Tabix is behind the couch.
Kristov: Holy Crud!
Narrator: (Dramatic music in the background) The boys turn round slowly. Their eyes are filled with a mixture of terror and amazement. There is obviously no room left for doubting that Tabix actually exists! For there he is in the flesh, six feet tall, and purple dreadlocked hair and all.
With hearts pounding, the boys smile nervously to mask their fear. Then the most amazing thing happens, the creature returns their smiles by blinking a pair of large dark eyes that reminds them of the gentle eyes of a seal.
Unlike whatsoever they might have imagined, the creature appears to be unmistakably friendly.
(Background music becomes more calming)
(With their insatiable curiosity aroused, the boys edge closer to the creature, who becomes as affectionate as a kitten.)
Connie: He likes you! That’s so cool
Tabix: You nice, you help Tabix please.
Kristov: How can we help, anyways?
Derek: Where did you come from Tabix? Is it another dimension or something like that?
Tabix: Don’t know, Tabix hungry.
Kristov: But what do you eat? (Aside ) Sure hope its not humans.
Tabix: Tabix eat purple dandelions. Tabix search, not find.
Kristov: Hey guys, maybe we could make dozens of these guys and sell them to kids. Cool eh?
Derek: Get lost, that’s the stupidest idea I ever heard.
Kristov: How about making just ten, we could make loads of money. Think about it. We’d be rich.
Connie: Cut it out Kristov, I’m not making even one more. Get it! Tabix is a friend, not something to sell.
Kristov: Sorry, I was just thinking, but how about…
(Kristiv is interupted as footsteps are heard approaching)
Connie: Quiet! Someone’s coming.
Derek: Who’s it? Could it be your aunt?
Connie: No, it wouldn’t be, she practically lives in the kitchen. I’m pretty sure its Uncle Caleb, he’s going into his room, but its like I’m pretty sure he will come back out here. We’d better hide Tabix quick!
Tabix: Tabix hungry, help Tabix.
Derek: (In hushed tones) Did you try feeding him anything?
Connie:(In hushed tones) Well there’s no time now, but yesterday its like I tried giving it a patty, but it just turned it’s back, and refused to eat, it was the same thing when I tried to give it lasagna.
Kristov: Maybe you could try other things like cabbage rolls maybe.
Derek: Did you try chewing gum? I have some on me, but too late now, I swear I hear your uncle coming closer.
Connie: (Sounding Frantic) Hide Tabix! Right now!
Bernadette Dyer is a Toronto Writer. She is the author of the short story collection, Villa Fair (Beach Holme, 2000); the novels, Waltzes I Have Not Forgotten (Canadian Scholars Women's Press, 2004) and, Abductors (Rain Publishing, 2007).
December 15, 2008
Goose Lane Editions Launches New Online Media Resources
December 15, 2008
New From Gaspereau Press
